FORT WAYNE, IN- Tensions mount and rumors swirl as the guilty party for the rolling dingleberry refuses to confess.
It was a regular day at CrossFit Bonespur. It was squat day and everyone was enthused. There was the usual antics- the sandbaggers, the humble braggarts, the dude that manages to mention his max in every conversation, and the person who critiques form but has yet to break parallel, and the shirtless guy named Doug.
Everything was going along just fine until a single, random dingleberry made it’s way across the gym floor. The gym fell silent as the members tried to figure out who was responsible. Ever since the incident, the gym has remained divided.
Coach Jeremy said, “It is hard to say exactly where it came from. It was almost like someone threw a tiny, fuzzy hand grenade while driving past the gym and we all just stared at it waiting for it to explode. There were really no words.”
Bonespur member, Amy Lovejoy, said, “At first I thought it was a navel nugget that rolled out of Andrea’s bigass belly button but quickly identified it as a sphincter sphere. I have older brothers, I have seen stuff like this before.”
An unnamed member claims to have solved the mystery but wants to let the situation play out before unveiling the guilty party.
Gym owner, Drew Locksman, says this kind of thing is not uncommon and is a true test of a gym community’s strength. Locksman says, “We can’t let a rogue dingleberry be stronger than what we have built here. It’s times like these that we have to stand together….”
About that time someone in the 4pm class farted and fingers started pointing as the blame began to shift. Locksman gathered his composure and concluded with frustration by saying, “It’s like running a daycare for grown-ups with behavioral issues. We are really just trying to make it through the day. It’s a miracle that we make it through the warm-up, let alone get any real work done.”
