Morning CrossFit Class Demands Independence From Afternoon Classes

CHARLOTTE, N.C.- The folks at CrossFit Rusty Grundle have a regular battle of the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s going on.

The morning class- embarrassed to be associated with the afternoon classes- has started raising funds to buy a separate CrossFit affiliation. The morning classes have started selling chocolate covered wall balls along with candy-coated speed ropes in hope of raising the money needed to disassociate with their shameful counterpart.

Theresa Johnson, a proud morning attendee, says, “The afternoon classes are a disgrace. They have Tequila Thursday, Fuck-off Friday and Mad Dog Monday. The evening coaches will allow you to substitute the MC Hammer for burpees and the Roger Rabbit for pull-ups.”

Jeremy Thompson says, “Whoever will volunteer to watch the kids in childcare gets free liquor and the designated driver is determined by consciousness and paper, rock, scissors.”

Mike Stanley, a proud morning participant, says, “We told the owners that we needed more bars and they installed a cash bar. We discussed needing ab-mats and they wrapped duct tape around the afternoon classes’ pizza boxes. It’s like being a member of a church that doubles as a strip club.”

With the help of family and friends, the morning members of CrossFit Rusty Grundle hope to sell enough candied CrossFit items to raise enough money to have a gym representative of their own identity.

Morning member, Amber Plum, left us by saying this, “We all deserve coaches who will push us hard- hard enough that we can all go to The Games.”

The morning classes are hopeful that CrossFit Delusional will open early next month.