Gary Owens, more commonly known as GFO, is no stranger to suffering. Having once rescued two children from a burning building on mile 38 of an ultra marathon, and another time swam from Tennessee to Arkansas across the Mississippi River during a training run because a West Memphis truck stop had a sale on Miller Lite (GFO loves shitty beer)- Gary has an engine that just won’t quit.
Just recently, the running community received a scare when they heard the news that Gary Owen’s had contracted Covid-19. The virus took it’s toll and Gary was forced to admit himself into a local hospital. Gary spent two days under medical care before his Garmin alerted him that his recovery was adequate and he was ready to run again.
Gary, often referred to as the Chuck Norris of ultra-running, left an Olive Branch hospital at 6:00am wearing nothing but his gown, a pair of hospital socks and carrying two canisters of stolen Jell-o while setting out to complete the 31.1-mile trek back to his condo in downtown Memphis, keeping his reputation as “The world’s greatest middle-of-the-pack endurance athlete” intact.
However, Gary’s accomplishment was not heralded by all. We spoke with Olive Branch native and friend, Hollie Trim, who took her life savings to buy tee-shirts to raise money during Gary’s covid scare.
Hollie, president and founder of “Females Unite for Censorship”, better known as FUC, an advocate group for old-fashion values and ladylike qualities told us:
“We thought he was going die. I wouldn’t have bought all these goddamn shirts had I known he was going to recover. I mean, I am not saying that I wish he would’ve died, but fuck, man, this is a lotta damn shirts.”
We asked Hollie if she had planned to use the proceeds from the tee-shirt sales to go towards GFO’s medical bills or research for the vaccine. She responded,
“Shit, that money was going to Waffle House, bitch. This was opportunity, not charity. Gary’s ass is on the hook for some L-U-N-C-H-E-S. You feel me, dog?”
Gary was unavailable for comment.