Harbor, FL.–This week, Brian Needle, spokesperson for the National Association of Bodybuilders, came out with a message reminding all bodybuilders to “stay the course” referring to the importance of publicly carrying jugs of fluid which hold 1 gallon or more.
Needle announced, “We have to think about how far we have come as well as the direction we are going. In the mid-eighties we only had sweatpants to identify ourselves as Bodybuilders. Since then we have evolved into Zubaz baggy pants, even picked up the hoodie along with the mysterious, dark, driven look- which often comes off as a social disorder. We added the headphones and accessorized with the big one-gallon jug. I cannot emphasize the importance of the gallon jug. ”
Needle went on to say, “We must remember that we are an enigma. Not everyone has the fortitude to spend countless hours in a musty gym merely to be able to lift large quantities of perfectly proportioned, evenly distributed, weight which is symmetrically placed across a predetermined area of our body.”
“The oversized jug is a sign of determination; it is the universal symbol of bodybuilders. It helps to keep us from being confused with the people who have a desire to actually work towards prolonging life, live with a degree of functionality, and have the cardio to complete a three-legged race at their child’s elementary school.”
Mr. Needle did acknowledge that he was aware that through the use of technology and cell phones there were plenty of ways to keep track of how much fluid a person has consumed; he was adamant that the 1 gallon or larger container was the only way to go.
Needle concluded, “We must forge ahead. The fitness fads of today which have been shown to increase the quality, as well as the longevity of people’s lives, will undoubtedly go away shortly, and we will be back on top. Carry your water jug proudly, my strong and mobility-limited comrades.”