Millions Of Men Re-Evaluate New Year’s Resolution; Decide To Focus On Nicer Valentine’s Gift


We are ten days into the new year and it is clear that we have made a stupid decision. Sure, on New Year’s Eve, after a couple dozen vodka tonics and a tray of Hickory Farms summer sausage and cheese, it seemed like a good idea to make a promise to the world that we would “get fit” in 2019 but, to be fair, we were drunk and full of meat.

The reality is setting in and the 5am workout sessions at the gym are getting old, besides, it’s not really working. We thought that we would have lost at least 20lbs by now and there are still no signs of six-pack abs.

It is time to do what men do best when things get difficult- give up and take an easier approach. Instead of losing that extra weight and investing in the longevity of our lives, men around the world have chosen a more practical route- buying an expensive ass Valentine’s Day gift.

Love is blind and she won’t care how fat your ass is if you are dropping rocks on her this Valentines, besides by the time her clarity has improved enough to see what a fat piece of shit you still are, it will be time for an anniversary or birthday gift.

Don’t spend that extra money on useless gym memberships when you can buy her love the easier way. Join the millions of men who have re-evaluated their resolutions, not the gym.