2019 CrossFit Open Rulebook Contains Subliminal Messages; Turns Readers Into Transgays


It’s an outrage.

CrossFit Inc. is allowing transgenders to participate in the annual CrossFit Open, which is strange because, as the name suggests, The Open has always been highly selective.

It seems as if the majority of the commotion is due to an incredibly long rulebook which includes subtle undertones and verbiage that subconsciously encourages people to change genders.

Larry Gotham, CrossFit Open participant and painter, who also leads the radical activist group, “No Muscle-Ups For Mangirls” says, “CrossFit is encouraging transgayness by subtly injecting homowaves into their rulebook, the same way that all them rock bands turned folks into devil worshippers when you played their records backwards. The CrossFit Open rulebook is the backmasking of the Millenial generation. It will be no different than when everybody who listened to KISS or Queen either turned gay, started doing drugs or worshipping Satan.”

Larry went on to say, “We estimate that between 62 and 81% of all participants in the CrossFit Open will turn transgender by the end of the event if someone doesn’t take a stand. We are going to fight this!

Our way of raising is awareness is by not doing muscle-ups or double-unders….just like last year and the year before that, but this time it’s in protest. Hell, we might not even break parallel if that’s what we have to do to get our point across.”

After our conversation, we found it hard to disagree with Larry’s stance. I mean why should Greg Glassman be allowed to start a worldwide fitness brand with his own money and then have the right to make the rules for an event that he created which allows everyone to participate. It’s just not fair.

Because of these inequities, I too will not be doing muscle ups, just like last year and the year before that. And the year before that.

Also, I will not be competing in the CrossFit Games after the point of which I don’t qualify anyway.

Larry, who finished 3,482 in his age group in last year’s CrossFit Open, feels that the only thing keeping him from making the Games this year is, “those damn trans-homos”.

Best of luck, Larry. Your cause is a noble one.