SANTA CRUZ, CA.- CrossFit Headquarters has announced plans to diversify its portfolio of offerings in what appears to be remedial action calculated to divert attention away from the dumpster fire that is Greg Glassman’s reinvented CrossFit Games.
On Saturday, CrossFit HQ unveiled a trio of ships for its new CrossFit CruiseLines—the Niña, Piñta, and the Frañtamaria.
A newly out-sourced, third-party spokesperson for CrossFit detailed the new venture to representatives of The Daily Dumbbell. “Imagine, cruising the open seas and being served by some of the most recognized, former CrossFit Regionals athletes. Picture yourself waking up to paleo omelets being served by one of the lesser Dottirs or enjoying our saltwater swimming pools with our second-placed Canadian lifeguards.“
She continued, “We’ve converted the old boiler rooms into water-tight, CrossFit boxes and each stateroom contains elastic bands, PVC pipes, and foam rollers for private mobility work.”
Following an unsatisfying dinner of macro counting, passengers can shoot clays from the afterdeck with our Entertainment Director Dave Castro before indulging in Karaoke with Matt Fraser.
For Masters passengers, rumors persist the Ranch’s WOD hopper has been restored to its original purpose for Bingo and Greg Glassman will be onboard as the official caller.
CrossFit also promises wedding packages are available for lovebirds who wish to have a grand ceremony performed on the lido deck by fitness messiah, Rich Froning.