Cyclist Struck Dead By Vehicle While Searching For Lost Taint

COLLIERVILLE, TN- David Lomax of Memphis, TN recently suffered a fatal collision with an oncoming car during a group training ride. Friends of Lomax say that he was preparing for the Big Damn Bridge 100 mile bike ride in Little Rock, AR.

According to sources, David’s long days and countless miles on a bicycle seat caused his taint to wiggle loose, detach from his body and go bouncing down the shoulder of the road. After pulling off on the side of the interstate to look for his missing taint, David was struck by a distracted driver.

One witness on the scene said, “I saw the whole thing. That taint just flew right off and went just a bouncin’ down the road like a used catcher’s mit. It didn’t look like nothin’ I ever saw.”

We interviewed some of David’s training partners who were at the event who said, “The hardest part of cycling is not the cardio or the leg strength, it’s getting your taint up to snuff and preparing it for the pounding of a lifetime. If you have ever spent any time on a bike, you know what I am talking about.”

Cycling coach and head-trainer, Taint Tuffman,  reports, “It’s tragic but David knew better. We made it clear from the start that any detached or dislocated taints were to be left where they lay until we could safely garner them.”

David was an experienced ultra-runner and weightlifter who was just getting reacquainted with the sport of cycling. He was aware of the risks involved with preparing a taint to ride long distances.

He will be missed.

**David’s teammates signed his taint and presented it to his grieving wife in a shadowbox at his funeral. It was beautiful.**