High Scores on SugarWoD Increase Chances of Being Labeled “Gym Whore”

SEATTLE, WA– It’s been about eighteen months since Gloria Dingham first entered CrossFit Tramp Stamp to begin her fundamentals class. Gloria, a 36-year old, divorced, mother of two, has come a long way since attending her inaugural class wearing an oversized “Spuds McKenzie” shirt, baggy sweatpants, and all-white Keds with popcorn stuck in her teeth and an orange skittle lodged in her navel from a long weekend of laying on the couch watching Hallmark movies in the mid-2000’s.

Gloria’s first few months at her new gym were spectacular. Being 40 pounds overweight, and unable to do virtually any of the movements unassisted, Gloria was Tramp Stamp’s most endearing member. However, that all began to change once Gloria’s weight began to drop and her scores began to improve on SugarWoD.

Gloria told us, “As soon as I started kipping pull-ups without the assistance of a band, someone scribbled ‘Prostitute’ under my name on my locker.”

The hazing continued as Gloria claims, “I finally string together some double-unders and one of the girls accuses me of sleeping with the coach. I PR’d my deadlift and was told it was because I was good at anything involving bending over. Finally, I entered the top female score in SugarWoD and it was suggested that they change the name of the workout to ‘Gloria Ho-Skeezer’. I don’t even know what a ‘skeezer’ is?”

Gloria concluded by saying, “I’m scared to death to find out what kind of person I will be when I get my muscle-ups.”