SANTA CRUZ, CA – CrossFit CEO, Greg Glassman, recently drew the ire of CrossFit athletes with what critics call political pandering. In the wake of news regarding the controversial participation of transgender athletes and CrossFit’s burgeoning metamorphosis from hardcore fitness upstart to healthcare-related political action committee, the company pivoted to engender some much-needed goodwill in the CrossFit Community.
Sensing a looming backlash, CrossFit’s public relations office issued a press release yesterday announcing the first event of next year’s CrossFit Games.
“We are excited to announce the first event of the 2019 CrossFit Games will be ‘Jumping The Shark’.” According to CrossFit, the event will measure the fitness of the world-class athletes by having them frantically grasp at solutions in need of a problem and attempt to reinvent themselves at the height of their success.
Sources close to Glassman reported the rogue fitness guru has not been seen for days, but can be heard wandering around his Santa Cruz estate mumbling lyrics to Todd Snider songs about being the alternative to alternative.