Man Who Claimed, “Carbloading is a Myth”, Found Beaten to Death Outside of Pancake House.


Dr. Harry Weebler, the researcher responsible for the data which claims that “Carb-loading is a myth” was found bludgeoned to death outside of MaMaw’s Mega Monster Pancake House.

It seems as if a group of local runners recognized Weebler as they were sitting down to attempt to eat the “MaMaw’s Mutherload” breakfast as a treat for finishing their 30-minute training run.

State Prosecutor, Ethan Fullwell, says that the state of Arkansas will not press charges and calls the situation, “Just a series of unfortunate events.”

The family of Weebler demand a trial and believe that justice needs to be served. Presiding Judge, Stanley Walcott, tried to calm the family down and rationally explained, “While it’s not legal to kill a man, it’s not right to tell someone that they can’t eat 10-12k calories before and after running a 5k either.”

Judge Walcott addressed the Weebler family one last time by saying, “You have to remember that you are in the middle of carb-country. You don’t go doubting the goodness of Jesus Christ or carbohydrates and not expect some repercussions.”

The case was dropped and it was said that anyone who spoke negatively about carb-heavy food in the state of Arkansas could most-likely expect a similar fate.