BREAUX BRIDGE, LA– Abigail Farendon considers herself to be a good mom and she has always felt blessed about having a polite and well-mannered son. Johnny Farendon is a 16-year old high school student who seems to be much like most other 16-year old’s, except he does CrossFit.
“Sure, Johnny can be a dickhead at times but what 16-year old kid isn’t?”, Abigail admits.
“Everything was fine, up until Johnny took that damn CrossFit judge’s course before The Open last fall. All of the sudden, I can’t do anything right. Johnny tells me that I ‘scale’ his lunches and that ‘I don’t break parallel’ on the laundry.”
Mrs. Farendon says that she really has no idea what in the hell that Johnny is talking about. All she knows is that he is Mr. Judgy Britches and he thinks his knee-sleeves don’t stink.
Abigail concluded by saying, “I don’t want to know what he means by my ‘Not applying full hip-extension into his life’ or not serving dinner early enough for him to ‘Validate the score’, but I do know that it seems pretty rude. Would you believe that little turd gave me a ‘No rep’ for last year’s Christmas gifts and told me when I got down on the floor to watch a movie, ‘If both feet don’t go back at the same time’ then the mother-son time we were spending together wouldn’t count.”