CHATTANOOGA, TN- Drew Womack, avid Christian and professional gambler, jumped from a vehicle moving at a speed of 55mph and suffered third-degree burns over 20 percent of his body as well as multiple broken bones during a 200-mile Ragnar relay this weekend in Chattanooga.
The Dumbbell caught up with Womack to get his side of the story. He says, “It was worth the jump. The burning I suffered on my skin from the leap was nothing compared to the burning I had in my nostrils from the smell of these nasty mutherfukers. I asked our van driver, Brian Williams, to stop the vehicle so everyone could air-out but he just kept spitting out Prefontaine quotes and trying to spray people with Glade. Brian said that we would stop at a restroom in ‘a mile or so’, but every time I reminded him that we had been a mile, he would only laugh and say, ‘So’.”
Womack talked to us with passion when he pled, “The stench coming off of these people was horrid. Von’s armpits smelled like a septic lagoon, Swanson’s grundle was actually speaking in tongues, Hollis smelled like he had been fermenting prison vodka in his navel, and Horrell’s man-tits had so much stench coming from them that the sludge built-up underneath them glowed in the dark.”
When asked if Womack will participate in another Ragnar, he responded, “I think that I will probably just grab a group of friends and spend a couple of days in a really hot port-a-potty filled with other people’s sweat, piss, and shit. That’s basically what a Ragnar is without the running.”
Womack, who was growing increasingly pissed with each question, began to charge us while shouting, “Did I make myself clear about Ragnar? I would rather jump out of Brian Williams’ sadistic psycho bus every day than drive another fucking mile with those bunch of unsanitary and squalid creatures.”
**Sources confirm that Womack has already signed up for next year’s Reebok Ragnar Tennessee.