MOBILE, AL — Concept 2 sales representative, Syd Snyder, was not expecting such a frosty reception when he arrived at Big Tunnel CrossFit in Mobile, Alabama.
Snyder was in lower Alabama to promote Concept 2’s ski-erg, an exercise machine that mimics cross-county skiing. The training potential of the machine, however, was not apparent amid the sweltering heat and 99% humidity.
“What the fuck is this horse shit?” asked skeptical gym owner, Brittney Diseroad. Snyder was taken aback. In his experience, most gym owners jumped at the opportunity to acquire the esoteric piece of gear, but not Diseroad. “We don’t need a fucking hockey simulator,” she sneered.
Dismal sales and an acknowledgment that winter sports are virtually unknown to Southerners have since forced Snyder and Concept 2 to make a concession. The company now includes a disclaimer sticker on every Ski-Erg. It reads, “Concept 2 acknowledges this machine does not qualify as functional fitness in states located below the Mason-Dixon Line.”
Undeterred, Snyder has redirected his sale calls further south along the spine of the Andes in Chili and Argentina.