AUSTIN, TX — The first annual Keep Austin Weird & Fit Festival looks to be full of interesting new fitness trends. Among those is a new program designed by celebrity running coach, Valerie Hunt. She claims Pose Eating will revolutionize eating, a skill most people never learn properly.
According to Hunt, eating is a necessary skill people acquire with little more instruction than simply “Here, eat this.” In her own words Hunt describes Pose Eating as “An intuitive understanding of compound utensil and body movements maximized for superior efficiency in the delivery of food to the mouth.”
After watching a horde of Hunt devotees at a recent barbecue contest, it is apparent she may be on to something. “By causing the body to break at the hips and fall towards the plate, a person can intercept the pull of the fork from the plate thereby shortening the distance the food must travel and increasing the rate of consumption,” Hunt told the wrapped audience. With a war-like chant of “Pull, fall, eat, repeat,” Hunt had soon cued her followers towards consuming massive amounts of barbecue.
Attendee and former child prodigy Pose Eater, Wilson Horrell, exclaimed, “This is the best thing since sliced bread. I am concerned, however, that food shortages will soon be upon us. Only the best will survive.”
Hunt’s book, “Born to Eat” hits shelves October 1.